Son Stands Against Father’s Disrespect Towards Late Mother Sparking Heated Wedding Day Conflict as He Refuses to Let Him Deliver a Speech

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Jun 29, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Your priorities should center around your family. On the big day, though, the bride and groom are the couple that matter the most, therefore everyone involved should make a concerted effort to make sure that their vision is realized.

What follows is the story of a disgruntled son. The original poster (OP) is expected to marry his true love in the coming months. OP discovered that his father had planned to deliver a speech prior to the nuptials. However, OP declined the invitation to speak at the wedding after learning about the letter's content and his constant flattery of his new wife. OP's father took it upon himself to reprimand the prospective groom after being offended by his refusal, leading to a heated family feud.

Having said that, you should read the story below if you're interested in learning if the father delivered the speech per the original plan despite OP's objections! After you're through, don't forget to read this heartbreaking post where readers share the most dramatic stories they've ever heard about runaway brides!

Advertisement
  • 01
    world to us so why would I say that. I told him she means the world to him. But she pales in comparison to my mom who meant the world to me and still does. I told him he might have decided mom meant nothing but that didn't mean I shared his feelings. He accused me of being sensitive and then said it seemed like I didn't care about his wife at all, and then he said she was a good mom to me for the 8 years she raised me. I told him she was never anything more than his wife.
    via canva
  • 02
    AITA for telling my dad he's not allowed to give his speech at my wedding?
    via u/New-Usual4257/
  • 03
    My fiancée and I (both 20s) are getting married in a month and there's a dispute with my dad now and he claims I'm being unfair, but I wanted to get some thoughts on it. So dad decided he was going to give a speech at the wedding without saying anything first. He had shared the contents of said speech with his sister, my aunt, and she knew the speech would not sit well with me and mentioned his plan to me.
    via u/New-Usual4257/
  • 04
    So in this speech he already wrote he talks a lot about how his wife is the love of his life, how amazing she is, etc. It's very similar to the speech he gave at their vow renewal 10 years ago. He hasn't shied away from expressing in front of me and to me that he never loved anyone like he loved his wife, how all his past relationships pale in comparison. And that includes my mom who was his first wife, who left him wi wered with an 8 year old son at the time. To make it even more difficult to h
    via u/New-Usual4257/
  • 05
    was held on my 18th birthday and I got to celebrate my birthday by hearing dad talk about how mom meant nothing because his second wife was so much better. They were married 8 years at the time. But a lot of family and friends didn't attend their actual wedding and they decided they'd basically have a second one to celebrate and they decided my birthday was the perfect time to do this.
    via u/New-Usual4257/
  • 06
    Anyway, the speech he wrote for my wedding had a lot of this content from what my aunt heard from my dad and read herself. She knew on my wedding day the last thing I needed to hear was how much he adores his wife when he does so in a way that basically said my mom meant nothing to him. I told him I knew about the speech and he didn't have permission to give the speech at my wedding. Dad asked why not and I told him I didn't want him to use my wedding to praise his wife. He said she means the
    via u/New-Usual4257/
  • 07
    world to us so why would I say that. I told him she means the world to him. But she pales in comparison to my mom who meant the world to me and still does. I told him he might have decided mom meant nothing but that didn't mean I shared his feelings. He accused me of being sensitive and then said it seemed like I didn't care about his wife at all, and then he said she was a good mom to me for the 8 years she raised me. I told him she was never anything more than his wife.
    via u/New-Usual4257/
  • 08
    My mom d d when I was 8 and I didn't get a new one. And the last thing I need to hear is how little she meant on my wedding day. Dad told me to be reasonable and the parents of the bride and groom typically say something. I told him nothing he had to say had a place at my wedding. That this is mine and my fiancée's wedding, not his. I told him to get married again if all he wants to do is praise his wife. But it was not happening at mine.
    via u/New-Usual4257/
  • 09
    He told me to stop acting like a little boy and grow up. I left. Then his wife called crying about the fight dad and I had. Which led to dad calling me again and telling me to grow up again. AITA?
    via u/New-Usual4257/
  • 10
    sejgalloway 17 hr. ago · edited 16 hr. ago Partassipant [1] I'd talk to his wife and explain the situation. I'd be mortified if I was her, and tell him to not mention me at all. But if she's nar ssistic (which would account for the dad's irrational need to praise her [edit: also why there is no mention of your mother, and why they keep stealing the attention from your celebration days]) she'll think you have the problem. And if that's the case then you're right to enforce no speech. NTA.
    via u/sejgalloway /
  • 11
    New-Usual4257 OP. 17 hr. ago She knows. She was crying down the phone at me because I didn't want dad to give the speech.
    via u/New-Usual4257/
  • 12
    Antelope 31 17 hr. ago Again, in their minds, it's all about them. For the love, this is your day, if they can't accept that then they don't need to be there.
    via u/Antelope_31 /
  • 13
    ZaraBaz 16 hr. ago Tell dad if he says one more word about his speech he will get uninvited from the wedding. And if he gets worse then contact will start disappearing too. He can't just do whatever he wants, life has consequences.
    via u/ZaraBaz /
  • 14
    gordonf23. 18 hr. ago NTA. It's YOUR wedding. Your father is the one being insensitive here and "acting like a little boy." Even if he had good intentions when he wrote the speech, your talk with him should have made it very clear that it would be inappropriate to say those things at YOUR
    via u/gordonf23/
  • 15
    wedding. He needs to swallow his pride and accept that on YOUR wedding day, everything should be focused on elevating YOU and your fiance, not his wife, and certainly not on downplaying the importance of YOUR mother.
    via u/gordonf23/
  • 16
    anitarielleliphe. 17 hr. ago Partassipant [4] Absolutely stand your ground. Your dad is displaying a level of self-importance and lack of empathy that he might consider seeking help about. To make two events that are to be focused on you (your birthday and wedding) about him and his wife is really just appalling. Thank God you found out about his intentions.
    via u/anitarielleliphe/
  • 17
    However, I have a gut instinct that he will attempt to give his speech anyway, thinking that if he were to stand up in a crowd that nobody would stop him. This is what you must do. Have the DJ setup before speeches... before the dinner... and at the ready for the entirety of the time that people will be seated. Have a third trusted person that is NOT a speech-giver also ready. If
    via u/anitarielleliphe/
  • 18
    your dad stands up as if to speak, the DJ can start playing music over him and the 3rd person (probably a man) can go to him and say that he is needed at the front. And then, have your aunt or whomever waiting to tell him to stop. In other words, when he attempts to ambush with his speech, someone else or a group of people need to be ready with their own ambush to derail what he wants to do.
    via u/anitarielleliphe/
  • 19
    And finally, it might not be a bad idea to print out or direct your father to what I imagine will be 100% of the people responding that think your father is displaying horrid behavior in which he may actually need to see a therapist to get to the root cause of why everything has to be about him and his wife. It is odd, concerning, and not the type of behavior expected of a healthy person who is the parent in the situation and should be thinking of their child.
    via u/anitarielleliphe/
  • 20
    Antelope 31 17 hr. ago · edited 17 hr. ago You are NTA 100%. Your dad is behaving like a narcissist. It's all about him, apparently as usual. Him calling you sensitive is a giant red flag and typical of someone who thinks only his feelings matter. I would have people ready to him out in real time if you still even want to include him. I'm so sorry this is the one parent you have left. At some point you should read Adult
    via u/Antelope_31 /
  • 21
    Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, it will help you going forward see a lot of his likely behavior for what it is, as well as identify any unhealthy habits you may have learned but don't want to bring into your adult/healthy relationships. I'm sorry your mom passed, if I were you I'd reserve a seat with her photo /flower on it to honor her memory at your wedding and reception. Front and center. And have the officiant include her in their remarks. Congratulations!
    via u/Antelope_31 /
  • 22
    Tarik861 17 hr. ago NTA - your answer is simple. "Dad, I am getting married. My mom d d 8 years ago. It's fine that your wife means the world to you, but she does not to me, she was never a "replacement mom" and I am not going to listen to you demean my mom on my wedding day. I do not trust you to stick to a speech that doesn't do this, so here is how this is going to go down.
    via u/Tarik861 /
  • 23
    You are not making a speech. You are not giving a toast. If you try to do so, I will have you removed from the wedding. If you try to bring this up again, or get others involved, I will rescind you and your wife's invitation to the wedding entirely. This is not open to negotiation, and we will not discuss it again. If you can't abide by this, I understand that you will have chosen not to attend my wedding."
    via u/Tarik861 /
  • 24
    Then do it. If you are mature enough to get married, you are mature enough to set boundaries with your parents and enforce them. (Oh, and make sure that whomever is running the microphones knows NOT to turn it on for your dad, so you can have a bit of time for someone to get to him if he tries to speak.)
    via u/Tarik861 /
  • 25
    If dad is partially funding the wedding, this may be a good time to give that money back to eliminate the strings and control he perceives he has.
    via u/Tarik861 /
  • 26
    RandomSupDevGuy 18 hr. ago Partassipant [4] • NTA, without knowing the history of this relationship I would debate whether he should be allowed there. He obviously is very inclined to make the speech and seemingly does not respect about your opinions on it otherwise he would not have been so insensitive on your birthday or trying a similar thing on your wedding day.
    via u/RandomSupDevGuy /
  • 27
    Either way, you know what the speech he wants to give and you don't want that at the wedding, so no speech.
    via u/RandomSupDevGuy /
  • 28
    One-Low1033 · 17 hr. ago NTA Honestly, I wish every widowed parent, who has remarried, would spend a day on Reddit reading the posts from kids of widowed parents. I think it would be a real eye-opener.
    via u/One-Low1033/

Tags

ask reddit family drama bride marriage entitled parents groom fatherson fatherhood speech reddit story family feud relationships parenting wedding entitled family Reddit Parenting Fail
Scroll Down For The Next Article